What happens when you ignore a narcissist? Dealing with a narcissistic personality disorder isn’t easy. Their reaction to being ignored tends to be dramatic, exaggerated, and chaotic. As you know, they want to make a scene. They want to trigger you to feel ashamed, guilty, or confused about your choices. The goal here is simple: they need to feel in control, and they will do whatever they can to maintain that feeling of power.
We all know how desperately a narcissist wants to have all the attention of anyone who might be willing to dole it out. And who of us doesn’t realize that they demand attention from us – their sources of narcissistic supply? They expect you to make it clear that THEY are the most important person in any room.
Narcissists and other toxic people are often psychologically and emotionally abusive. This is mostly because they could not care less about hurting your feelings – or anyone else’s for that matter. They have seriously impaired empathy and will do everything to control you, gaslight you, and abuse you if it serves them in the end. You’re suffering does not matter at all.
It’s indeed difficult to deal with someone who has this personality disorder. But one thing you can do to get the narcissist back for their abusive behavior is to ignore them. You may think that ignoring them doesn’t sound like it would make a difference in how they control you. But it does. Simply put, narcissists hate being ignored especially since they thrive on the acceptance and adoration of others. This is part of their “supply” and will go to any length to be in control and keep feeling empowered.
It’s critical to understand that a narcissist will not leave you alone the first time you ignore them. This is the usual narcissist reaction to being ignored. They will treat everything like a game, and they will be ready to conquer and win. Nothing a narcissist despises more than being rejected. They become agitated when you ignore a narcissist. Keeping everything under control when trying to reject your attention-seeking lover can thus be challenging.
How will a narcissist respond if they are ignored? It is difficult to deal with someone who has this persona. They will have a violent, excessive, and disorderly reaction to the rejection. In a nutshell, they want and will try to create a scene. Simply put, narcissists hate being ignored. It’s one of the worst things you can do to them. They will attempt to make you feel ashamed, regretful, and rattled. They want to be in control and will go to any length to keep feeling empowered.
If you’ve previously tried to ignore them, they’ll almost certainly use the same tactics to capture your attention again. As a result, it’s critical to stand firm in your decision and avoid falling into their trap a second time. Practice the art of ignoring a narcissist’s apology.
When you ignore a narcissist, at first it will be difficult for both you and the narcissist. Many things may take place during the process, such as acting irrationally and behaviors you may be unaware of. Here are a few behaviors to expect when you ignore them:
- They will gaslight you. The narcissist can use psychological techniques to make you doubt your rationality, abilities emotions, and even your intellect. Gaslighting is the most common and highly effective method of manipulating you. They will do whatever it takes to trigger you, and then use your reactions against you. It could be something that looks simple as the narcissist writing you texts about how much fun you had with them; however, they conveniently leave out the toxic parts of their bad behavior. Don’t fall for it, it’s just a technique to lure you in and question your sanity. Just continue to keep ignoring them.
- Love bombing! Believe it or not, narcissists become afraid when you begin to ignore them. Their egos are incredibly fragile and they need the acceptance and adoration of others, and once they sense something is wrong, they begin their love-bombing techniques to regain your attention and affection. Smooth-talking, buttering, and perhaps love bombing will occur, so be prepared. They will mislead you until you believe they are becoming a better person. It may come in the form of texts or emails saying things such as “Can we talk?” “I’ve changed” or “I’m sorry.” This is part of their pervasive psychological techniques to lure you back in. Any apology from a narcissist is not authentic since this personality type lacks empathy towards the people they manipulate. Always remember the importance of ignoring a narcissist’s apology.
- They become angry. If you’re consistently ignoring the narcissist, their emotions will go from scared and worry, to anger. This is referred to as “narcissistic rage.” This occurs when their first attempts and techniques have failed, and they resort to bullying you into giving them what they want. They are most likely watching your social media, reaching out to your family, friends, or co-workers to embarrass you. At this point, revenge is the only thing they are concerned about regarding you. They may try blaming you for the breakup, making you the villain, and they were the victim in the situation (hence, a smear campaign). You will be depicted as the insane one, the abuser, the cheater, and so on. If that means smearing your name to others, they are happy to do so. Never underestimate this person, if they start harassing you, you may have to involve the authorities at this point.
Narcissists perceive you’re ignoring them as a personal attack. As a result, they won’t respect your decision to preserve appropriate boundaries. Instead, they will view this action as a massive form of rejection. Rejection, as you likely know, tends to be a fatal blow to their vulnerable egos. That’s why they can’t tolerate it.
A relationship with a narcissist might have a detrimental emotional impact on you. And, when you finally decide to leave them, it can be a liberating experience. Now that you know of a few behaviors to expect when you begin ignoring them, you’ll be better prepared to keep your boundaries in place.
Next week, part two on more behaviors you can expect and prepare for.
The Divorce Coach for Men