5 ways to begin letting go

Letting go of a relationship that used to fill your heart can be a daunting process. The thought of removing your ex-spouse from your life can shake you to your core, especially after all those years of investing to keep the relationship alive. Yet, simultaneously it will be the most rewarding experience when you release yourself from the emotional burden that’s currently impacting your life.

Most often when going through a divorce, it’s not your ex-spouse you’re struggling to let go of. It’s the vision of what you once thought your life was going to be like and the memories you have created together. This type of mindset can keep you stuck, as you are holding onto the past and the future. Two things you cannot change for the better. The only power you have is finding true happiness in the present moment. 

I get so many messages from men asking how to let go.  How do I move on?  Sometimes that can be the hardest part. I love this quote from the Tao Te Ching above – especially the first part –

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

Think of it as clearing the space.  Getting rid of that negative energy.  So that you can make room for something so much better in your life.

So how do you begin letting go?

It all starts the moment you begin decluttering your life from toxic energies and creating space for positivity. When you can let go of what no longer serves you, then you will begin carving out a path to a healthier you and lifestyle. And the sooner you can live from a place of abundance, the easier it will be to let go of what no longer fills your heart.  

Your new path launches as you learn to reconnect and love yourself in a way that gives your heart what it ultimately deserves – bliss. 

  • Make the Decision: Deciding to let go is often the biggest hurdle to overcome. Your life is a sum of all the choices you make. The same choice you previously made to marry your ex-partner comes from the same place when it comes to choosing to let go. As you begin to honor your new lifestyle, you permit yourself to let go of anything that’s not worth keeping. The freedom to create your new vision will help you see what you want and need, creating clarity and certainty in your life. 

When you establish a new life vision with actionable goals, it provides you with life purpose and fulfillment toward a happier you. For example, if your new lifestyle means falling in love with yourself again or going back to school and pursuing your dream job, how will you achieve your goals if you are weighed down by a situation or person who is no longer supportive? To reach new goals, you will want to make sure nothing is holding you back so you can heal and move forward. It’s time to “do you.”

  • Live In the Present: As you learn to let go of the past, you’ll want to put your best foot forward and focus on the here and now. It can be challenging to create happiness in your life if you keep replaying your memories on repeat or holding onto your old vision. Living in the past can often lead to a “depressed” state while living in the future can be full of “anxious” feelings. Happiness comes from living in the NOW, as you have WON the moment.

The best way to create fulfillment in the present moment is to simplify your life. Let go of what you can’t control, pursue your dream job, release heartache and grudges, find gratitude in your day, and most importantly carve out a self-care and self-love routine. It truly does not take much for us to be happy, as little as fifteen minutes a day to nourish our soul. You just must be willing to see it, believe it, and live it!

  • Find Forgiveness: You may have no desire to forgive your ex-spouse for the agony you have faced through the divorce, but this will be essential to healing your heart. While it seems impossible right now, understanding forgiveness will help you reach a state of peace.

To clarify, forgiveness doesn’t mean:

  • Accepting malicious behavior and excusing another person’s actions
  • You must forget your feelings about that person
  • You must tell the person they are forgiven
  • The other person still must be in your life (unless co-parenting)
  • Everything is going to be okay now between you and the other person

Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not for the person who betrayed you.  Re-read that statement.

By finding forgiveness, you are coming to terms with the dissolution of your marriage and acknowledging it for what it was. You understand your marriage has run its course while accepting everyone has their flaws based on their limiting beliefs. When someone’s limiting beliefs are skewed, they often act without realization. However, it may be harmful to a partner because they are fixated on only getting their needs met, not what’s good for the partnership. While this is not an excuse for their behavior, it can help bring light to the situation through understanding. Sadly, many marriages do not have a happy ending, and by giving yourself the power to let go, the more likely you will move on and find happiness again.

  • Pursue Peace and Patience: Letting go is not an overnight process, it will still take some time to reach serenity. Patience will become your best friend through the process and keep you strong to push forward day after day. There will be waves of emotions that rise and fall as you come to terms with the dissolution of your marriage. But you are the catalyst for rebuilding your inner peace. The only way to overcome the turmoil is to process your feelings, have patience with yourself, set boundaries, and do activities that make you feel good.

As they say, time heals all wounds. While this is true, being positively proactive will help you achieve inner peace and be grateful for everything you do have. Your inner beliefs and thoughts lead you to the actions you take each day. So, the healthier you are the stronger you will become mentally and emotionally.

  • Line Up a Support System: This is the time when you lean on friends and family for support. Having resources of support such as a therapist or a divorce coach is incredibly beneficial to assisting you through the process. Remember, take it one day at a time, and if you feel you have had an “emotional setback” that’s OK. Go easy on yourself, letting go of someone you loved, is a process that takes time to fully heal from.