Invest in divorce-proofing your marriage!

As a divorce coach, I’ve heard so many stories of couples wishing someone had given them marriage advice. I too would have benefited from having the knowledge I have now, which is why over the years I compiled a list of some uncommon tips to share with future newlyweds. 

  • Financial Discussions- Money is one of the biggest stressors in a marriage. Have financial discussions and create a plan for how you will spend, save, and earn. Also, spending secrets are not allowed. These are important words of advice for newlyweds. Decide on the maximum amount one can spend without consulting the other.
  • How you argue as a couple will determine your fate- Scientists can predict by 90% accuracy whether your marriage will fail based on how couples argue. Research has found that there are four strong predictors of relationship failure: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling. All couples have disagreements and arguing is a healthy part of a healthy relationship. However, how we respond and react to conflict is even more important than the issue itself. If arguments are done constructively and supportively, you can add years to your marriage. The best advice for newlyweds that I can give is to be aware of how you act and react to arguments.
  • Always support one another- Never put-down or argue with each other in front of friends, family, or colleagues. I also recommend that you do not criticize or complain about your spouse to others. Instead, when there is a challenge in the relationship talk about it. As newlyweds, you’re a family, and family has to come first. Focus on supporting, respecting, and honoring each other both in private and public. Be each other’s champion!
  • Know & speak your partners’ “love language”- Speaking your partners’ love language daily is key to a happy marriage. Even the smallest task such as picking up around the house, a note on their bedside table, or picking up flowers will express your love to your partner and make them feel that they matter.
  • Dividing tasks-Share the responsibility to keep the house clean, walking the dog, refrigerator stocked, and meals on the table. Make a plan together and I suggest ignoring traditional gender labels. If you divvy up tasks, there less likely to be resentment down the road.
  • Date nights- This may seem obvious, but if you do not spend time with your spouse, you’re more likely to contemplate divorce. Couples who do not have at least one mutually meaningful connection a week are at greater risk for divorce. By making time for date nights, both of you will be happier, your sex life will be better, increased satisfaction in your relationship, and it will foster communication.

Remember, investing in your marriage will bring many happy years together